You Won't
by Kurtrina Hummel
Summary: "I'm sorry, Mister Puckerman... You're test came back positive." Kurt/Puck friendship. Character death. Rated T for themes.


**Author's Note: **This is a lot longer than anything I've ever written! Yay! I'm actually very proud of myself. So anyways, this just kind of came to me one night while I was lying in bed after watching RENT. I thought the whole Kurt as Angel thing would be to obvious so I did my own take the whole storyline. The singing might get confusing but it's easy enough.

The first song is just Noah and Kurt singing. Puck= **Bold**, Kurt= _Italics_, Both= _**Bold Italics**_

Second song is the entire Glee Club. Everyone= _Italics, _Mercedes/Matt's solo= _**Bold Italics**_

Third song is just Kurt. :)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Glee, Rent, or any of the songs mentioned in the story. :D

* * *

"Noah, if you need to tell everyone. Not drop subtle hints. I think I'm the only one who understood what you were saying." Kurt's voice broke the silence that followed my mash up. It wasn't his normal snarky, bitchy commentary. It was a soft, caring tone that made me break down. I couldn't help it. The tears flowed and my legs shook with the power of my sobs. I felt a small pair of arms wrap around my body and I curled into the warm touch. The sounds of 'shhhhh' and 'they'll understand' reached my ears until I was slowly calming down... Sort of. I knew going into this that it wouldn't be easy. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do it without crying. I was supposed to be a bad ass, but I was more like a baby.

Wiping my eyes, I turned towards the rest of the club. They were staring at me with worry in their eyes. I didn't want their worry, sympathy, or sad looks. I just wanted them to know the truth. I took a deep breath and told them. "I... I have aids..."

Silence. That's what met me as the words left my mouth.I felt Kurt's grip tighten on my arm in his small way of showing support. I felt another wave of tears hit me hard as no one said anything. I knew it. They thought I was a freak. A leper. They had lost all respect for me... Well, they would have if they had any respect for me. Rachel was the first to break the awful silence.

"Puck... How long... How long have you known?" The tears were welling up in her eyes. I didn't want to see her cry... That would only make me cry even more. A looked away, trying to find someone I could look at without breaking down. The only comfort I got was from Mister Shue.

"For about a month now... I didn't know how to tell you guys. I was ashamed. It was a one time thing with this chick over the summer. I didn't even know her. We were talking and one thing led to another and suddenly we... I didn't know what to do." I couldn't believe that this was actually happening to me. Although, I guess it's karma. Sleeping with just about every girl I saw would eventually have to bite me in the ass right?

"I knew there was a reason you kept turning down sex with me." Santana quipped from the back of the room. Everyone turned to stare at her. She must have felt the heated gaze directed at her because she stopped examining her nails and glared at everyone in the room. "What? No one turns down sex with Santana. Trust me. It's just not done."

We lapsed back into silence and I could feel my legs giving out. I leaned against the piano to brace myself. I sighed. Growing more accustom to these symptoms, I knew when I had reached my limit. If it hadn't of been for my rapidly decreasing weight and these sudden nasty looking bruises, I probably wouldn't have gone to the doctors to figure out what was wrong. When Coach Tenaka told me that he couldn't put on the team that year because I just didn't weigh enough, I knew that a trip to my physician was definitely in order.

I heard more than saw the club break down then. I heard the sounds of sniffling and sobbing. When I finally did come back from my dream world, I saw twelve red. blotchy faces staring at me. Before I could say anything though, I was being engulfed into a huge hug that was nearly suffocating. I broke down as their words of comfort sounded genuine. Rachel had to break the moment though.

"What does this mean for Glee club though? We need twelve members for Sectionals. If you... miss it then we'll be disqualified."

I laughed a little at her ignorance. "I'm not going to die tomorrow, Berry. Doctor gave me till about mid February. Means I'll be here for Sectionals... Just not Regionals."

Mister Shue clapped his hands once before declaring that even though this was all quite sentimental, that we needed to get to work with our brand new line up for Sectionals. "Noah... Would you mind singing your mash up at Sectionals for our ballad?"

I took in a huge breath. "Sorry, Mister Shue. I don't think I could do it alone."

Kurt stepped next to me at that point and grabbed my hand. "Maybe we could turn it into a duet. I know what we can do to make it perfect. Trust me."

Shue seemed to take a liking to that as we all headed back to our seats, me now sitting in the middle of the fray instead of off in the corner like normal. Continuing to prattle on about team work and unison, Mister Shue rummaged through some old song books from the closet. He smiled as he apparently found the song he wanted. "Well, I'll need to make copies for everyone, but I think I just found our group number. You guys like _RENT_, right?"

A few of the girls, and Kurt, squealed. I didn't get the whole bid to do about the movie... Musical... Whatever. Granted the mash up I did was two songs from the movie version. Shuester kept talking and assigning parts. It seemed to stay pretty much to the book on what gender sang which part. The only exception to that rule being Kurt who was asked to sing in the girl section... Shocker. Mercedes humbly accepted the solo that was sung by the character of Joanne, while Matt was given the chance to shine with Collins solo. We were all a little surprised when Matt agreed saying, "I finally get a solo."

Practice went well after that. Not much dancing was done and for that I was truly grateful. I didn't know if I had the energy to stand up at that point. Even singing put a strain on me. After listening to us bust out _Seasons of Love_ though, I doubt we'll need dancing. Shue will want us to stay pretty close to the real thing anyways being the purest that he is when it comes to show tunes. Was I the only one who noticed his eagerness to rearrange a song unless it came from the stage?

By the end of the day, our set list had been made. Kurt and I would being doing the mash up I created with a little bit of his artistic tweaking, our group number would be _Seasons of Love_ with Mercedes and Matt on the solos, and the solo number would be Rachel singing _My Heart Will Go On_ from that boat movie. Our set list was really depressing if you asked me, but given the circumstances, it seemed appropriate.

Kurt ended up at my house that evening to tweak the mash up. Looking at what he was doing, I was amazed. "See? It isn't that hard. Just have to switch up the words a little, borrow the overlap of the voices from the actual show and, tada!" He smiled proudly as he looked at the sheet music and lyrics laying on my bed. We had been working for about an hour before we ended up finishing. Agreeing to show everyone tomorrow at Glee club, we broke for the night. He smiled sadly at me before pulling me in for a hug. Normally, he couldn't even make me budge, but with my rapidly deteriorating body he seemed much stronger.

* * *

The next day came way to fast for my liking. I had spent all night tossing and turning as I coughed and sweated my way through sleep. It didn't matter though. I still had to go to school, no matter how sick to my stomach I felt. I had hardly eaten anything all day when I walked into Glee and the saltine crackers that Kurt was slipping into his designer bag were calling my name.

He must have noticed because when he looked over at me, he smiled before pulling the Tupperware container back out along with a jar of Jif Omega 3 enhanced peanut butter. I silently thanked him before munching on the snack while waiting for club to start. I knew I must look a wreck, but for some reason I couldn't pull myself to care. Just the thought of having to sing that mash up again was making me sweat bullets. At least someone would be up there with me this time. I knew that Kurt wouldn't be singing for the same reason I was singing, but a little bit of relief still coursed through me at the thought of not being alone.

Not long after, Shue walked in the door and Kurt stuck his hand into the air telling them that we had finished our mash up... Duet... Thing. Smiling happily, Shuester gave us the floor. Kurt bounded over to Brad and handed him the revised sheet music. Once Kurt was standing next to me, the opening notes began and Kurt grabbed my hand and gave it a tiny squeeze. I sighed and began.

**Will I lose my dignity?**  
**Will someone care?**  
**Will I wake tomorrow From this nightmare?**

**Will I lose my dignity?**  
**Will someone care?**  
**Will I wake tomorrow From this nightmare?**

_**There's only us.**_  
_**There's only this.**_  
_**Forget regret.**_  
_**Or life is yours to miss.**_  
_**No other road.**_  
_**No other way.**_  
_**No day but today.**_

**Will I lose my dignity**?

_You won't lose your dignity_

**Will someone care?**

_I will care_

**Will I wake tomorrow**

_You won't wake tomorrow_

**_From this nightmare._**

**_There's only us._**  
**_There's only this._**  
**_Forget regret._**  
**_Or life is yours to miss._**  
**_No other road._**  
**_No other way._**  
**_No day but today._**

We ended and applause met our ears. It wasn't the usual rambunctious applause that followed a song like _Bust a Move_ or _Hate on Me_. It was the applause that was soft or caring like when Kurt had sung _Defying Gravity_ only to miss the last note. It made me feel loved and that was what I had needed. Thank God for Glee club... I don't know what I'd do without them.

* * *

It was the day of Sectionals. It had been a month since I had told the club about my disease. I had been getting worse, and they could tell. I was losing weight faster, getting less sleep, tiring out quicker in rehearsals. The doctor said that my body was reacting weirdly to the treatment and that's why it was happening. In short, instead of curing me, they were killing me quicker. Which I guess, in retrospect, isn't that bad because death has got to be better than living with all the pain that came with my illness.

We were in the backroom waiting for our turn to perform. We had drawn lucky number two for our performance slot. Sue Slyvester, after complaining about how Shue was pushing her star Cheerio (Kurt) to far because he would be to tired for her practice, had even come to watch their performance. Apparently she had wanted to know what was so important that Kurt wouldn't use his voice during their rehearsals and told her that he had to miss the last three games.

When the criminal girls' performance ended, we headed up the the backstage area. We had decided that the duet would be first, followed by the group song, and Rachel to finish us out. I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous. I had never really been in the spotlight in Glee. Sure, I had sung a little bit of _Don't Stop Believin'_ at Regionals, but that had been a tiny duet with Santana and the rest of the club had been on stage with me. Now, it would be just Kurt and I.

The music started and we headed out. Our voices melted together and everything just fell into place. There really wasn't any dancing for our number, but we made some up as we went. Of course, we ended up holding hands and staring into each others eyes by the end of the song. That always happened though. It was as if I was really asking him those questions, and he would always answer me honestly. The slight breakdown when I saw the tears running down his face was inevitable, but at least I kept it together enough to show the crowd that the song had meaning but not exactly what it meant.

Hearing the music end, we smiled at each other before facing the audience. In a very Rachel-esque manner, he curtsied to the best of his ability in pants, and I gave a slight bow. "Ladies and Gentlemen." He said as the crowd ceased their clapping.

"New Directions!" I finished for him as the rest of the group filed in beside us.

Just like I thought, Shue had us stick to the movie version. We were all standing in a perfectly straight line with our faces pointedly staring out into the audience. Some people must have recognized the ever popular intro of music because there were quite a few intakes of breath and one person even cooed. Weird, but better than anticipated.

_Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes_

_Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear_

_Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes_

_How do you measure, measure our year?_

_In daylights_

_In sunsets_

_In midnights_

_In cups of coffee_

_In inches_

_In miles_

_In laughter_

_In strife_

_In, five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes _

_How do you measure a year in the life?_

_How about love?_

_How about love?_  
_How about love?_  
_Measure in love_

_Seasons of love_

_Seasons of love_

Even from down the line, I could see Mercedes suck in a lot of air like she was trying to keep herself from crying. She didn't show any hints of sadness or struggle in her voice. Damn, I admire her strength.

_**Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes**_

_**Five hundred twenty-five thousand journeys to plan**_

_**Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes**_

_**How do you measure the life of a woman or a man**_

Matt started immediately. Almost as if he was about to chicken out. Thank the heavens he didn't. His solo was the epic part of this song... Plus he sounded just like Jesse Martin did when he sung it.

**_In truths that he learned_**

**_Or in times that he cried_**

**_In bridges he burned_**

**_Or the way that he died_**

Before he finished his note we all started in again. This time moving slightly with the rhythm and clapping along to the beat. I was happy to hear that the audience was clapping along with us.

_It's time now to sing out_

_Tho' the story never ends_

_Let's celebrate_

_Remember a year in the life of friends_

_Remember the love_

_Remember the love_

_Seasons of love_

We ended and I don't think I've ever been so happy to get off a stage in my life. I was spent. Even walking back down to the waiting room was a work out for me. The speakers were plugged in and we could hear Rachel belting out the end of her solo. God, she had an amazing voice. I guess now that I was dying, I appreciated a lot more. I appreciated Kurt's presence, Rachel's voice, Mercedes' protective momma bear side, Finn's awkward way of saying everything was okay, even Miss Pillsbury's chat I had to sit through.

We sat and waited again as the last choir performed. I tried to listen, I really did, but I was just to tired. I remember hearing the opening notes to _Sexyback_, but after that came darkness until Kurt's voice broke the silence in my head.

"Noah... Wake up... We have to go back on stage..." I could hear the panic in his voice. He must have thought I died while waiting for the results. Opening my eyes, I was met with his blue-ish green orbs and they were sparkling with unshed tears. "Oh, God. Don't you scare me like that again. I've been trying to wake you up for five minutes now. I thought for sure you were dead."

"I'm fine... Is everyone else up stairs?" He nodded in the affirmative and helped me to my feet.

* * *

It was now mid May. It had been four months since Noah had passed away and the Glee club was still mourning his loss. Shue had written the Ohio State Show Choir Board of Directions to ask them to let us perform with eleven members instead of the usual twelve since we were kind of in a tight spot. Reluctantly, they agreed and said that the judges would be informed once they were picked.

It was now a week from Regionals and no one felt like performing. The set list hadn't been chosen and no dancing had been out together. It seemed like sophomore year's Sectionals all over again. With a week to go though, Shue reprimanded us for being so down. He told us that Noah wouldn't want this. He would want us to show the world how gleeful would could be. That had earned a laugh from the group. We were finally pulling ourselves together.

It was a quick set list. Quite sloppy compared to our normally nitpicked work. Our group number was going to be _Purple Summer_ from _Spring Awakening_ with Santana taking the solo on that one. The second group number was planned to be _What's Going to Happen to Me?_ (from the musical episode of _Scrubs_) and having Tina take the solo on this one. Finally, everyone decided hands down that I needed to perform Noah mash up as the solo, but of course tweaking the lyrics again. Sighing, I agreed and went to work on working on a song that Noah would be proud of.

I found myself crying in my room late one night while attempting to rewrite the lyrics. If Finn hadn't of heard me, I don't know what would of happened. He got woke up and wrapped his arms around me and let me cry it out on his shoulder. He asked me if I had had another nightmare and when I said no he looked confused.

I told him it was a flashback to sitting on Noah's bed doing this exact same thing and telling Noah how easy it was to rearrange lyrics and songs. Now, I couldn't even bring myself to mess up the beautiful piece of music. Finn just rubbed soothing circles on my back and suggested that I go with the original music that Noah had sung that day so many months ago.

How often do you get to say that Finn had a stroke of genius? Not very often, but I told him so and went digging around in my music binder until I found the original score sheet that Noah had made up. Altering the lyrics was the easy part this time. Finn stayed up with me as I finished the piece and I had never been more thankful for my step-brother than I had in those quiet moments.

The past week had gone by fast. Our group numbers had come together quite nicely in the short amount of time that we had to prepare. I even thought that we might place this year. Of course, our competition was Vocal Adrenaline again, but we weren't all that worried about them. We were worried about making Noah proud. We knew that he was up in heaven tackling Jesus for the remote so he could tune into to see the competition.

We were last to perform. We waited in the lobby instead of the backstage area and practiced our dancing. I was a nervous wreck of designer clothing. No one except Finn knew what the solo would sound like. When Shue had asked me to sing it at our last practice, I had politely declined saying that I wanted everyone to hear it on Saturday... Well that time was quickly approaching.

We did our group numbers first. Santana got a standing ovation for her solo which surprised everyone, including Santana. Our second song went down perfectly and Tina hit every note. She had been worried that the few high ones had been out of her range, but she hit each and everyone of them with grace and ease. She didn't even look like she was stretching for the note at all. As quickly as it came though, it was over and the rest of my fellow singers cleared out and into the wings of the stage where they could listen to the new arrangement.

I heard the cough that always happens when there's a lull in a performance. I took a huge breath and cued up the piano player who sat at the bench. For some reason they wouldn't let us use Brad, but if this guy could read music then I would be fine. He seemed to know what he was doing as the notes came out the same way they had when Brad played for me when I had rehearsed during a free period.

I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. I closed my eyes and let Noah's face come to the front of my mind. If he could go through so much and still smile, then I could get through this song without crying... at least that's what I told myself.

_You didn't lose your dignity_

_Everyone cared_

_You didn't wake yesterday_

_From your nightmare_

_There's only us_

_There's only this_

_Forget regret_

_Or life is yours to miss_

_No other road_

_No other way_

_No day but today_

_You didn't lose your dignity_

_Everyone cared_

_You didn't wake yesterday_

_From your nightmare_

I cut it short knowing that was as far as I was going to be able to go. Luckily, I had done it earlier in the week to and had cut the sheet music there as well. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks and a pair of arms wrapped around me. When I opened my eyes though, no one was near me. The audience was applauding and some sobs could be heard.

I didn't have to wonder who had hugged me though. I knew that embrace anywhere. It had grown weaker as time went on, eventually losing strength all together, but it was unmistakeably Noah's warm arms that I had felt. I knew in that second, that whether we won or not, Noah was proud of us.


End file.
